if you're interested...our baby story...

so...yeah...he was born on michael jackson's birthday...or rather michael jackson's former birthday. couldn't be helped...i tried and prayed and tried to get him out sooner...he was not interested in an earlier departure time and stubbornly wedged his head in crooked...

jackson's birth was not what i planned...rather, it didn't happen the way that i planned for it to happen...and yes, regardless, it happened...but still...THEY tell you to make a birth plan...write it out...so that when you're at the hospital...in pain and screaming...you don't have to think about it...you've already thought about it and this is what you want. see??? you've written it all down and everything. what THEY don't tell you is that your birth plan actually means jack-crap...the BABY didn't read your birth plan...so what good is it???

here was the plan:
natural...no induction...no breaking of waters...no pitocin...no epidural--not because i had something to prove--i just don't like needles...IN MY SPINAL CORD!!! quiet, calm...listen to your body...the birth process is instinctual.

WHAT A BUNCH OF HOOEY!!!

here's what happened:
due date came and went. i was put on the schedule for induction...IF it was necessary...a week and one day from my due date. (by the way, due dates mean jack-crap, too!) a week overdue...i'm in the doctor's office...tuesday, wednesday, thursday...BEGGING him/her to do SOMETHING to make this kid come out. i'd been having contractions every night...not during the day, but at night so that i couldn't sleep...contractions that were doing absolutely NOTHING...i was dialated "less than one". what?!! seriously??? you better shut up and tell me a number bigger than one...RIGHT NOW!!!

thursday morning...i was SERIOUS...told matt, "we're going to the doctor's office and we are NOT coming home. i don't care if tomorrow is my scheduled day for induction. they will not dare send me home." they sent me home...with drugs...to help me sleep...it was something.

friday morning...induction morning...called the hospital to let them know we were on our way. (had been told the day before that i must call ahead...in case they were too busy for my induction. what?!! are you really going to tell an overdue pregnant woman that you don't have the space or time to get her baby out?!! you must be crazy!!!) THANK YOU JESUS they had many beds available.

thing #1 that i didn't plan/want--i was being induced.

thing #2 that i didn't plan/want--they wanted to break my water and start pitocin and i barely had a hospital gown on my body. and at this point i said, "hold it right there...could we try one thing at a time??? break my water...then...if that doesn't work...start pitocin???" they agreed. i was really just trying to avoid an IV if possible...that's another thing i didn't plan/want. an hour after breaking my water...nothing had happened...IV...pitocin...having contractions...but they were still those "do NOTHING" contractions that i'd been having for days.

and by "do NOTHING" contractions i don't mean that they didn't hurt...they were painful without results. "back labor"...that's what it was...all in my lower back...maybe that's why they were doing NOTHING...babies don't come out of your BACK.

broken water, an IV, pitocin...around noon, i was finally having "real" contractions...but the back labor kicked on and stayed on so that when a "real" contraction subsided...the back labor was still VERY much felt...and i was breathing from one contraction to the next...no break in between. i WAS dialating...which was good...i was maybe 3-4 at this point...good, two numbers that are bigger than one...or "less than one".

it was suggested at this point that i consider an epidural. they were going to have to kick up the pitocin SEVERAL notches...and the back labor...it was really a no-brainer. the mid-wife pointed out that labor wasn't "going to get any better"...i was tense, i was tired, and i was done with the pain--enough already! get an epidural...relieve the back labor...REST...

thing #3 that i didn't plan/want but thank GOD for--an EPIDURAL!!!!!!!!!!!! scariest thing in the world...i was so afraid that i was going to flinch and become a paraplegic...but it wasn't so bad...the numbing shot was the only thing that hurt. and then...AHHHHHH...everything went dead...from the middle of my back down...wanted to kiss that epidural lady!!!

hours pass...i'm checked occasionally...i get to six centimeters...and labor stalls. i'm just about maxed out on pitocin...and the word "c-section" is casually thrown out there. what?!! umm...no...not happening. do you see these hips??? these are birthing hips...i was MADE to birth a baby. c-section??? not necessary...would not become thing #4.

remember when i mentioned that his head was wedged in crooked??? he wasn't facing up or down...he was turned to the side...therefore his head wasn't pushing down like was supposed to...therefore i wasn't dialating. if they could get his head to turn, there was a chance that i would dialate the rest of the way...IF they could get his head to turn...

just before the bad "c-section" word was thrown out there...nurses changed shifts...and in walks my night nurse...kris...the most wonderful nurse i've ever met...tops every nurse who's ever given me an IV that hasn't hurt "that bad". loved my day nurse...but kris...she saved me from having a c-section. she had me all but standing on my head...trying to get this baby to straighten up and fly right...or OUT of my body!!!

i get to 7 centimeters...labor stalls...AGAIN. the doctor...i'm sure she's a nice lady,but at the time she was the "evil one who wants to do a c-section"...gives me 45 minutes. if i haven't progressed at least a centimeter, then we have to talk about a c-section. umm...no...you can talk...but you're not convincing me. and she says to me, "believe me. i don't WANT to do a c-section. the room is really cold. i'd rather deliver your baby right here. but we may not have a choice." see that part in bold letters AND italics??? i didn't know which way to be offended...yeah, a cold room...THAT'S why i don't want to have a c-section...OR...a cold room...THAT'S why you shouldn't want to do a c-section. REALLY?!!

so, i began to pray...to BEG God...3 more centimeters and a head turn--that's all i need. i was maxed out on pitocin...i was practically standing on my head to get his head to turn...and i HAD to dialate 3 more centimeters...or face a cold room. NOOOOOOOOOOOO...not a cold room!!! (are you hearing the sarcasm???)

God has had many lessons for me on this infertility journey...lessons in patience, lessons in perseverance, lessons in His compassionate and ENDLESS love...but the one He was going to illustrate AGAIN for me...I WILL COME THROUGH FOR YOU...one way or another...I WILL COME THROUGH FOR YOU...because i LOVE you!

and so He did...He gave me those 3 centimeters AND turned his stubborn little head in LESS than 45 minutes...and i was READY to push. one minute i'm distraught...crying and begging. the next i'm practically holding my own legs up so that i can start pushing. it was about 11:45 pm and i still had a chance to have this baby NOT on michael jackson's birthday.

turns out, pushing is not as easy or as quick as that. but at 1:11 am...MY baby finally came out...weirdest and happiest moment of my life. weird because you look at the baby and think, "that came out of where?!! did i really just do that?!!" and happy because...DUH...i just had a baby...MY baby...the one i had been waiting for...and he was perfect...SHOCKED because he was SOOOOO cute...even all gooey and gross...SOOOOO cute...screaming...SCREAMING, but cute...and mine...seriously with the screaming?!! i remember looking at matt...as jackson lay in my arms SCREAMING...trying to measure his reaction to the SCREAMING...because it was freaking me out. (he eventually stopped...the NEXT day...and we were able to have our bonding moments.) it was like he came out MAD..."i wedged my head in crooked for a reason...NOT ready to come out yet. but you had to have me out...you had to force me into this bright, loud, CRUEL world...so this is what you get...WAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

haven't mentioned matt much in this story...which is completely unfair...he WAS there...and sooooo amazing! he supported and encouraged my decision to get an epidural and didn't make me feel like i was "wimping out" by getting one. he kept track of my contractions...which was only annoying when i could FEEL them and didn't need him to tell me when i was having a "big" one. he held my leg as i was pushing and didn't boss me around and tell me how to push...smart, very smart. AND he let me have the remote control to the TV the WHOLE time we were in the hospital. seriously, he was great!!! he has pictures of the placenta...if you're interested...

so...we're planning jackson's first birthday party...already...because it will be here before we're ready for it. and we're thinking that a "michael jackson" theme might be appropriate--jackson will wear a jerry-curl wig and a red jacket like michael's famous red jacket, we'll have a cake in the shape of a glove covered in sparkling glitter, a moon bounce in place of a moon walk, pictures with a chimpanzee, 15 minutes in one of those air pressure chamber beds, we'll all dress like the zombies from the "thriller" music video, maybe we'll even learn the "thriller" dance...it'll be a hoot and you're all invited!