how cool is that?!!

i just blogged a few minutes ago...was noodling around with past blogs...reading some comments that i hadn't noticed before...about a year ago i blogged about a book i had read on infertility...and i noticed one of those comments that i hadn't noticed before...and it was from the author of the book i blogged about. how cool is that?!! she sent "hugs" and wanted me to know that i wasn't alone...how sweet is that?!! i think that's one of the most horrible things about infertility...how alone you feel...because all you see, all you hear about is people getting pregnant...EVERYONE can get pregnant...but me...and you start to feel very defective and very alone in your defectiveness. you forget that there ARE others out there who understand your pain perfectly...who are going through/have gone through exactly what you're going through/you've gone through. we all need to find each other and have lunch. (smiley face here) so, thanks jenni saake...i really appreciate you taking the time to comment on my blog! i recommend your book to everyone struggling with infertility that i meet...it's wonderful!!!

geckos are gucky!!!

i know it's pretty lame that i'm blogging once again about geckos...and that it's laughable that i'm so scared of things that are so small and harmless...BUT...seriously...they're EVERYWHERE and they FREAK me out!!! they have these neck things that go in and out...and they chirp...and someone told me today that they JUMP!!!

i thought i had come to some sort of understanding with the gecko that lives at the bottom of the stairs...when he sees me coming, he runs and hides. but apparently the terrible thunderstorm that blew through last night destroyed his habitat and now he's taken to living on the steps and does not have the good sense to run and hide anymore...i've seen him four times since yesterday...AND he has a girlfriend...well, i'm assuming it's his girlfriend...she's smaller and a different color than he is...i would google it, but i'm just not that interested. whoever she is...she needs to find a new place to live and take her boyfriend with her!!! it's almost to the point of agorophobia...the phobia that won't let you leave your house because you're scared of the outside. i'm ridiculous...i know...

on a completely different subject...

most if not all know that matt and i are trying to get pregnant...we've finally come to the point where we know we're going to have to have help from doctors...something we're still trying to get comfortable with...and i've been praying about it...God, if You're okay with us getting help from doctors i really need some sort of sign/confirmation that it's okay to head in that direction.

most if not all know that i am married to...i cannot think of a nicer way to say this...the cheapest man i've ever met. (insert smiley face here) and cost/money has been one of the biggest considerations/obstacles to us getting help from doctors. last year, i spent some time investigating how much our insurance company would cover for the procedure that doctors are recommending we try. as of last year, the coverage was 80/20...they pay 80, we pay 20...which is wonderful and not the norm...most fertility procedures aren't covered at all.

so, the other day i decided to check again...because we're thinking of moving in the "help from doctors" direction and i wanted to make sure that i understood our insurance coverage amounts. and...BAM...there's my sign/my confirmation from God..."100% of eligible expenses for services rendered in the office". what?!! no 80/20...no deductible...just a co-pay and 100% coverage...i bawled like a baby because my God had given me the sign/confirmation i had asked for...how much does He love me?!! so, as i understand it...because the procedure we're going to try is a procedure performed in a doctor's office...we're covered 100%.

i've been wondering if the coverage amounts really changed from last year...or if i just didn't understand the coverage amounts in the first place...but ya'll, i swear they DID change and that GOD changed them...and it may not seem like a sign/confirmation from God...but i really think it is...i think it's just one more way that God is giving us peace about our decision. i'll take it.

do you kiss your grandkids with that mouth?!

i wake this morning to cackling...the whack of a golf ball...and an old woman stringing out a line of expletives you would not believe. GASP!!! cannot believe what i'm hearing...so i go look...sure enough...it's a group of older women golfing together. apparently, marge was VERY unhappy with where her shot landed...marge is one of the women near the swampy water at the top of the picture. i know cursing should not be funny, but when it's coming out of the mouth of a 75 year old woman...i'll admit it...i laughed so hard that i made lucy nervous and she started barking.

off to the...pig races...

no, i'm not kidding...we actually went to pig races yesterday. it was the funniest thing i've ever seen! these tiny, little pigs raced around this 150 ft. race track to see which one would be the first one to reach the oreo cookie at the end. i guess pigs aren't like dogs...chocolate won't kill them. the picture above features the "paddlin' porkers" about to take a plunge and swim across the pool...onto a ramp...towards the finish line. they didn't just plop into the pool...they dove!!! they took a flying leap and actually dove into the pool...AMAZING!!! the big winners for the day: hillary rod-HAM clint-HAM, arnold swartzen-HOGGER, ba-RACK-O-RIBS obama, and lindsay lo-HAM...too funny!!!

i wanna go home!!!

THERE IS A GECKO IN MY APARTMENT!!! i am FREAKING out!!! as i sit here thinking of ways to trap it and prevent any others from EVER thinking about entering my apartment, my skin is crawling!!!

lucy goes to the door this afternoon...her way of saying she has to potty...i reach for the leash and as i'm about to put it around her neck is see movement...a little brownish-greenish gecko goes for cover in my laundry closet. insert BLOOD-CURDLING scream here. what must the neighbors think?!! side note: i had just put a load of laundry in the washer...no idea how i'm going to get it in the dryer because i am NOT going anywhere near that closet.

but that's not the immediate problem...

guess where the laundry closet is located?!! yep, right by the front door...how the heck am i supposed to get lucy outside before she piddles all over the floor?!!

so after SEVERAL minutes of cowering on the couch...after SEVERAL pitiful and longing looks from lucy...i get brave, put the leash around her neck, and practically drag her out the front door. insert exceptionally LOUD door slam here. note to self: must apologize to neighbors...

i'm outside, lucy does her thing, and thank goodness...i remembered to grab my cell phone...because i really had no intention of going back into the apartment until matt could get home to find it and remove it. i call him and...no surprise here...he finds the story highly amusing and is completely unsympathetic...he says he can't come home until his regular time...he rode into work with a friend...doesn't have a way to get here anyway. i offer to come get him...and he thinks i'm kidding...i really wasn't. his advice: go to walmart and look for gecko traps...

it's 2:30 in the afternoon...matt won't be home until 6:30 or later...so i decide to get brave...AGAIN...throw the front door open, drag lucy across the apartment, and assume the cowering position on the couch. insert ANOTHER exceptionally LOUD door slam here.

that was MANY hours ago...i've been encouraging lucy to "get the gecko"...she brings me her ball.

not only will the laundry not get done, dinner will not be prepared...the kitchen is next to the front door which is next to the laundry closet which is harboring the aforementioned, unwelcomed gecko...i'm prisoner on the couch until matt gets home.

did you know that there are geckos that FLY?!!

what if they crawl on me while i'm sleeping?!!

what if they get in my cupboards?!!

what if they get in the laundry and i wash and dry one?!!

I WANNA GO HOME!!!

almost lakefront property

our view from the back patio...you sorta feel like you're living on a lake...okay, not really...i'm just trying to find something positive about living on the third floor.

there's a golf course directly below the back patio and the golfers are driving lucy crazy...she's obsessed with their every move.

and just to make all of you northerners jealous...it's 80 degrees outside...nothing but blue skies...beautiful, gorgeous, wish you were here!!!

best pumpkin ever

i know that halloween is SOOOO last year...but how cute is she?!!

it's the least i can do...

http://www.freerice.com/

my cousin, cindy, brought this website to my attention. for every vocabulary word definition you get right, this site will donate 20 grains of rice through the United Nations. doesn't sound like much...but...yesterday, over 140 million grains of rice were donated...wonder how many bowls of rice that is... i've personally contributed over 5,000 grains of rice today...it's addicting!!! can't believe all of those greek and latin root words are still in my head...thanks, mrs. stahley (high school english teacher).

upside-down frown

i feel like pouting and complaining, so i guess i should do the opposite and find things to be happy about today.

1. janelle had her baby early this morning...elijah william...SOOO happy for her and SOOO impressed with her 50 hour labor...sorry nelle, i know it's probably not something you're ready to be happy about...the 50 hour labor...but i am seriously impressed and so thankful that you had a safe delivery! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

2. grandpa is going home today...if the snowy roads improve between indianapolis and elkhart...if not today, monday...they don't transport by ambulance on the weekends. he'll go to a rehab facility for a few weeks until he's able to move about without assistance and eat a proper meal...no more pb & j, grandpa. grandpa has been in the hospital since christmas...he had a tumor removed from his pancreas...as well as many other "things". his doctors are considering this surgery very successful at this point...and i am thanking God for SOOO many answered prayers!!!

3. i get to see matt in a week...he's already in FL working on his project. we've been apart for 3 weeks...i miss him...lucy misses him...so ready to be together again!!!

4. my car will be fixed next week...working with an adjuster to get all of the details straightened out...found out they'll provide a rental car while mine's being fixed...PTL!!! while i was in IN, my cousin lisa accidentally backed into the front bumper of my car when leaving to take medicine to her son at school. is it funny or ironic that just the day before this happened i said, "i wish i'd just get the first ding...then maybe i wouldn't worry about something happening to the car anymore"??? thank you God for an answered prayer???

5. when i got home from IN on wednesday, i discovered/remembered that i still had some of my favorite coffee creamer left. it's a flavor that you can only get at christmas...peppermint mocha...YUM!!! the little things...

6. before leaving for IN i decided to pack up for FL...so glad i did that because now i can use this week to tie up loose ends...maybe get a haircut...a pedicure. i can enjoy my final days in my house before being separated from it for more than a year...is it weird that i'm feeling separation anxiety...from a house???

7. i found a teaching job online that starts on march 1...how perfect would that be?!! i sent my resume and a cover letter yesterday and am praying that i'll hear from the principal...soon.

in the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider-God has made the one as well as the other...ecclesiastes 7:14.

i saw this good movie ONCE...

i watched a movie yesterday that i think i sooo super brilliant. it's called ONCE and the acting is so natural and the writing is so sparse and simple and the music...the music is amazing!!! there's no neked-ness, no sex, no violence...the occasional "f" bomb, but if you can get past that...SUCH a goooood movie!!!

NOTE: not everyone will appreciate this movie...there's a saying in my family, "that's an 'amy' movie." apparently my cinematic taste is questionable. i like to think it's eclectic and open-minded.

the funny thing about being infertile...it's not funny

okay, another infertility book report...the last one, i promise...

i'm at the library and i see this book called a few good eggs written by two women who've personally experienced infertility...they promote their book as a "funny/witty girlfriend's guide to infertility"...my girlfriends make me laugh...maybe this book will make me laugh. i'm looking for a laugh...i NEED to laugh about being infertile...SOMETHING has to be funny about being infertile...if i can laugh about it, it'll be easier to deal...right???

i check it out and immediately begin reading it when i get home...thirty minutes later...i'm sobbing and i decide that there's NOTHING funny about being infertile...NOTHING. they tried to make it funny, but it just wasn't.

the whole book is about how women waste their "fertile" years by getting an education and establishing their careers and then when they're ready to get pregnant...they can't. it was the MOST depressing infertility book i've ever read...i do not recommend it...AT ALL...it was even worse than the "happy crack" book i wrote about many blogs ago.

a few things to note at this point:

1. i am already painfully aware of most of the information found in this book...the statistics, the probabilities, the problems and procedures. it did not help to hear all of that depressing stuff...AGAIN!

2. the authors of this book do not claim to be looking at this issue from a God-centered point of view...therefore, the book was depressing...therefore, the book was hopeless...hope-less!!! i just so happen to love a God of wonder and miracles...and better yet, HE loves ME! so the statistics, probabilities, problems and procedures mean NOTHING to Him...and therefore, they mean nothing to me.

the funny thing about being infertile...is that it's not funny...and that's okay. i think what i was really looking for was comfort and i think i'll look for that in the BIBLE!

"i love the Lord because He hears my voice and my supplications. because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore i shall call upon Him as long as i live." psalm 116:1-2, 7

where has it all gone?!!

sad news today...our motherboard died. i just left the computer repair store...the man tells me..."it doesn't look good. i'll recover what i can." i cannot express to you the panic i am feeling at this moment. i had valuable, precious information on that computer...not to mention pictures...ALL of my pictures that i had yet to print out. i am trying to remain calm...trying to remember that they're just pictures/music/word documents/excel documents. in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal. merely an inconvenience...an inconvenience that sucks!!!

a few weeks ago when we first noticed that motherboard was not long for this world, we bought a portable hard drive and we backed up most of our things...but i'll still lose many of the things listed above...including my address book...so, please send me your home addresses and phone numbers.

i am blogging from the public library...and for a semi-germaphobe, it's difficult to know that i'm touching countless runny nose/flu infested/who-knows-what-else fingers. i'll just not think about that right now. i'll just be thankful that i can still be connected to the "world"...my little internet "world". i KNEW years ago that it was a mistake to become dependent on technology.

stupid computers...

too much fun...

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!

pretty in pink...

this is for aunt katie...can you see the pink collar???

for the love of...my tennis shoes...

these are my most favorite tennis shoes EVER...i've had them for 6 years...bought them when i first started teaching and wore them almost everyday...they're falling apart, give me blisters, but i will NOT throw them away...cannot find a similar pair to replace them...so...

i've found another ingenious use for duct tape...

no good will ever come of it...

here's my latest baking attempt...not baking exactly...they're supposed to be "no-bake" cookies...they just sort of melded into one big, nasty-looking blob of chocolatey/oatmealy/sugary goodness...

they sort of look like the buffalo chips from a few blogs ago...taste great...nothing like a buffalo chip...but look AWFUL!!!

no, i've never acutally tasted a buffalo chip...

no good will ever come of me entering my kitchen...i think i'll quit going in there...

i feel so green!!!

out with the old...

in with the new...

posse 07

picnic on the potomac...

janelle's very own battle of the bulge...

so tired...

me...at the president's house...

until next time...

in a pit with a lion on a snowy day...

if ya'll haven't read this book, you should. the guy who wrote it seems like a brainiac...i didn't understand half of the "smart person" stuff he wrote about...but, bottom line, he's so right on about so many things. read the book and i guarantee you'll be ready to go look for your lion and kick its booty!!!

my lion has been after me for about two years...and as a normal, right-minded person, i've been laying low just waiting for it to get tired of chasing me...alas, it has unending amounts of energy. but after reading this book, i didn't want it to stop chasing me...i was ready...dare i say excited...to chase my lion, for a change, and tie a knot in its tail!!!

for the first time in two years, i don't feel like asking God for a baby. i feel like asking God to give me new perspective and strength to face this lion. i feel like asking God to use me, to provide opportunities to use my pain for another's benefit. i want to face this lion named "infertility" and defeat it, obliterate it...i want the "W". so, i've decided...

to lock eyes with this lion...the jealousy and discontent...and put it in its place...
to be happy NOW...
to reframe my perspective...to explain my circumstances to myself in a different way...
to persevere...and dream bigger and different things..."God" things...
to truly worship...forgetting what's wrong with me and remembering what's right with God...

this reads like a book report, huh??? remember reading rainbow? the part of the show where the kids talk about books they've read...and they end by saying, "...but don't take my word for it." anyway, read it...it's by mark batterson...

bridge over troubled water...troubled bridge over water...

thanks to all who were concerned for us...we love you!!!